A letter to myself.

 

Ed Solis
Nevada, 1997

Moment 1.

A familiar feeling,
I have been here before.
I had a shower,
put on my best set of underwear,
checked myself in the mirror twice...
ripped...
 
I would.

Moment 2.

A familiar feeling,
I have probably been here before.
Though I can’t say I like this one. 
It’s always the same.
You make an effort, go the extra mile
and never get through.
Look out he throws a smoke grenade!

Moment 3. 

A familiar,
way too familiar feeling,
or dare I say reaction.
I contemplate every decision
in my life after just 3 seconds.
Every god damn time..
and it never gets sharper than this.
It is like a mirror reflection
that moves in its own way.

 

 

Moment 4.

Dying alone.. will my actions haunt my future. Cause my greatest fear that is, dying alone. No home, no clothes, no self pronounced label. No imagination, no desires, no love. Nothing to live for though I would still never dare to die...

Moment 5.

Why did I go out here? Why do I only wear black? It is the worst color, sunshine hates it, I hate it, color hates it. Black is everything wrong with this world, then it takes every color in the book to create it..

Moment 6.

Oh that familiar strain.
As the darkness settles I feel a desire
to leave that world behind me.
Though is this feeling not familiar...

...yes it bloody is.

Moment 7.

This whole familiar circle.
There is nothing out here,
still my mind plays tricks with me.
Nothingness will kill me.
What I need is distractions -
drugs, girls and rock n roll...

...that will do it.

"A letter to myself"
by Niklas & Tim

Photography: Niklas Marklund
Text & Story: Tim Widgar
Layout: Tim Widgar

See more from Niklas here!